Tag: figuring things out

To Own My Definition 
Inspiration · Life Hacks · Spiritual

To Own My Definition 

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Wow. I don’t know where to begin with this. I feel like I have so much to say and yet so little. 

I’ve been asking myself and God some tough questions that have been bugging me; all surrounding the same issue. 
Why am I so restless and anxious every day? Is there a life that normal people have, different from mine? And can I have it? 

I think I’ve been looking for this life for a long time, wondering if it even exists. For years I’ve been trying to make the grand discovery of what I will be, and what I will be doing with my life. I thought wrongly that those labels would determine who I am. Doctor, Artist, Engineer. Those are nice labels but they aren’t “who” we are. They could be a part of who we are but we are defined by so much more.

I wish someone explained this to me a decade ago. But it’s okay because I get to look forward to a different chapter of my life, free from anxiety.

I know who I am, and I know some of what I can do, but the important thing is that I know who I am. And I can own who I am.

God has done in me what He does best; He has transformed me. This is beyond receiving quick answers to prayers.  It’s more like seeing the answer to your prayer unfold.

I feel like a rock. Solid. I’m no longer seeking my definition in labels. I am defined by who God has made me and is making me. I am a rock. And God is my Rock. I love it.

Whispers in the Silence 
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Whispers in the Silence 

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I’m learning slowly but surely how God leads. He knows all the parts and how they come together. Sometimes He seems too silent when I want Him to spell everything out clearly. Clear instructions written in the clouds. But not quite.

God is so precise in how He leads. He sees the whole picture in a way that I can’t.  It’s so much easier when I don’t have my own agenda.  So much easier when I count on Him to write the whole story  and not just a part.

I can follow,  I know I can. Even when it’s only His whispers I hear in the silence. He does speak, little brushes over our spirits. 

I haven’t blogged in a while mostly because I’ve been technologically disadvantaged for something like a month.  I apologise.  I’ve also been waiting a lot. And in this period of waiting, I have seen myself more clearly than I  ever have. It’s been refreshing.  🙂 

Anyone else  feeling God’s silence this season? Any lessons learned? 😀 

Tag! I’m It.
Bible Studies · Faith · Inspiration · Life Hacks · Spiritual

Tag! I’m It.

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 Not my ministry, not my work, not my relationship or marriage, not the movie I want to make, not the help I want to give, not the things I know, not the ideas I come up with, not all my good intentions.

It’s like we’re in a game of Tag, and God says to us “Tag! I’m it.” That’s not how the game is played we say. “It’s tag you’re it, so I’M it.” We say. Duh, God.

“An idol is whatever you look at and say in your heart of hearts, ‘If I have that, then I’ll feel my life has meaning, then I’ll know I have value, then I’ll feel significant and secure.” – Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery (Pulling Back the Shades)
I said this quote over and over to myself before writing this post. My striving was exposed for what it was. I felt like I was watching a movie of my life plus the bloopers! I have made good things idols along the way. Some I recognized , and others I didn’t until now.

Can God fully and truly satisfy us minus all the other “good” things that we just must have? All the logical things that we just must have – that we are certain we need? Could we truly be satisfied?

The truth is I don’t have all the answers right now. But I hope to have the answers I need soon. My eyes feel like they’ve been opened. I had no idea that they were closed.

I’ve thought about Joseph. God gave him an amazing dream (two actually, but they were pointing to the same thing), but it took thirteen whole years experience what God had showed him long before. The dream was good – great even. I imagine what torture it could have been for Joseph if that’s all he thought about while being a slave and subsequently, a prisoner for a crime he didn’t commit?

How about Abraham? Father Abraham. God says to papa AB, “I’m going to give you a son. Like from your actual body.” He waits twenty-five years with his wife Sarah before that would ever happen. If all he ever thought about was having that child, what torture it would have been to wait without a set date? God didn’t tell him when. Not until a year before anyway.
God didn’t always tell people exactly when. Not Noah. Not David. He still doesn’t always tell us now. Wouldn’t it be torture if that’s all we thought about? When our God-given dreams would come true?

God doesn’t want us to look to any thing to fill us up. Even good things – especially good things – can become idols. God wants us to look to Him. He wants to be IT.

If I was really honest with myself, I would say that I would love to know what that’s like: A life of God completely satisfying.

I want to be full today. Always. Never wanting for anything. Come rain or sunshine. Through storms and stillness. To be truly full. Not ok. Not just ok.

I don’t want to strive anymore. I don’t want to push and claw through life. To have and have. I want my identity to be completely in Christ. My value, my significance, my happiness and joy, my peace, my hope, my adventures.

I know in my heart that the answer lies in saying, “Ok, God, Father…I give up. You be IT. Have it your way. I don’t like surprises but fine. Why don’t You decide where we’re going today? Why don’t You decide our activities today? You want me to go where?! Ok..? OK! I can do that. Do what?! Uhm..no problem. Wait? Err..sure. Anything You say is fine with me. I trust You with my life. You already gave me Yours. I’ve got absolutely everything to gain and nothing to lose if I realize that I’m not even mine.”

OK GOD. YESSS. I’M DOWN WITH WHATEVER. Yes, Lord, whatSOever.

Your turn.
 

Bible Studies · Faith · Inspiration · Life Hacks · Spiritual

The Waiting And Following Faith

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IMG_3811Our lives are constantly revolving around things-the elements. Sometimes we find ourselves clawing and scratching, desperate to get whatever it is we think we want the most. We never really get it as one day leads into the next. We get things however, and we aren’t satisfied.
For us it is an outrageous proposition that we choose peace. We want peace but we do not choose it. We want everything.
Is my dream life a possibility? Could I really dare to choose less? Less when everyone says more? For me it is no longer an option as I have only one master, Jesus the Christ.
Wanting many things and everything is natural, but there’s a deep desire at the very core of my being, and that desire is the Person of God. I want to know Him and I want to be with Him and then truly be like Him.
He calls us every day to the extraordinary in the ordinary. He dares us to see with the eyes of our spirit and to really want what’s beneath the surface. This requires trust and faith; a daily surrender of ourselves to our known God in the face of the unknown.
I want many things but I have a Great Father and Shepherd of my soul who knows what I need. I must pause when He says pause and move when He says move. I must because He knows – He really knows. He is the author and finisher of our faith.
It takes a whole lot of faith to slow down in our fast paced world. It takes a lot  of energy to swim against the current. But without faith it is impossible to please God. So faith it is!
God opens doors we do not always anticipate and we have this urge in our spirits to walk through. Then we should even when we don’t know what’s on the other side. Some other times God keeps doors shut and we feel like we are waiting forever. We aren’t.
In these times, there is a way to wait. There are ways we can be faithful to God when we feel like not much is happening. Whatever it is we find to do, we should do with all our hearts no matter how small. This is the time to notice our neighbor and to know our neighbor so that we can love our neighbor.  This is when we can pray. This is when we can show kindness and ultimately have the opportunity to share the good news of our salvation. This is when we should cling to God’s word and know it. When we know it, we’ll know God and we’ll know ourselves in Him.
So don’t waste the wait. Don’t rush the time. Don’t panic or fret. Don’t look around but look up! Let us choose each day to follow. Let us choose because that’s what it means to be followers – our choice and the daily giving of ourselves to God.
Surrender. Wait. Trust. Wait. Trust. Surrender. And amen!

Dreams and the Future · Faith · Inspiration · Spiritual

A Little Hope

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I wrote the following sometime in 2014. I found it when I was looking through some of my notes and thought to share. 😊


25 SeptemberI am grateful for the start of a new day. The day is so full of promises and I feel the richness of the events that would unfold from now on. God is with me. He cares for me. He will never leave me.

I smell the quiet air and feel the coolness of the weather. I feel as the clouds feel when they are full. Rain is coming. 

Pick up your pen, wear those running shoes, knock on that door. Its only a matter of time before your actions bear fruit. We have a clean slate, a clear ground, an open hour. We can do this. 

I’ve come a long way to this very day. I’ve stumbled, and fallen on my face; God has picked me up and dusted me again and again. I hope my trickling words stirs something up in you. I hope you’ll choose to hear the quiet even in the noise. I hope you’ll look at the end of the path, lift up your head and smile, knowing that that’s where you’ll be…someday. 

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” -Jeremiah 29:11

Dreams and the Future · Faith · Inspiration · Life Hacks · Spiritual

Like Fresh Air

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I’ve recently reached a milestone in my life. Its probably the reason I’ve been moved to break my blogging silence. 😊

I am truly happy and encouraged that God was with me through my struggles and brought me out of them. I’ve learned so many lessons in the process, but one of the most important lessons I’ve learnt is that I have to trust in God no matter what, and I have to depend on His strength. 

Even when things seem uncertain, God is able to deliver us from every kind of trouble. That’s about the most important lesson I’ve learned. 

I’ve learned other lessons as well. I’ve learned that God loves human relationships-He created them. And because He designed them, He also designed the rules of engagement. For every kind of human relationship to work, there must be boundaries. We must know those boundaries and function within them for our own good and the good of others. And if we ever find ourselves breaching the boundaries and giving birth to Ishmael, we must learn to say goodye to Ishmael, pray for our Ishmael, but wash our hands off concern for the child. This is because as God said to Abraham, Ishmael cannot share in the inheritance of Isaac. It may have seemed cruel that Abraham had to send away his own son, but it was expedient to do so. 

I’m learning not be afraid to say no, and not to ask for permission to do so. I’m learning to trust in God’s principles and in His design even when they seem contrary to my feelings. Above every person, living or dead, God is our greatest lover and biggest supporter. So let’s trust in His love and darn every human device in the name of love (which God is by the way. God is love). 

I’m so blessed and encouraged to be out in the luscious green plains. Freedom smells like fresh air! Thank you God!

Dreams and the Future · Faith · Life Hacks · Spiritual

Beloved, and Loving the Wind of Change!

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I’ve been navigating some difficult things this period of my life; the silence, the confusion…did I say the silence?

It seemed like on the things that mattered to me, God was silent. It seemed like God was unfair for allowing me to experience the pain I did. I struggled some and triumphed some, but I still wondered if God was with me. I knew it but I could not feel it.

Today, God opened my eyes to the thorn in my side. I said to my Father, now, in my mind, I am free, but I do not feel free. I asked Him to MAKE me free. He showed me something WAY bigger than I could ever have anticipated. He freed me from the bondage of ignorance. He blew on me a wind of change.

God made me realize that He is love, and as large as He is, He wants to pour every drop of Himself into me! So I saw through His eyes, how precious I was (am) to Him, and I began to thirst for every drop. I have become convinced – FULLY convinced – that God wants to give it ALL to me!! To Him, I am worth every drop of His amazing love. I am precious in His sight. All His love is for me to desire and receive and experience. I am the Beloved of God!

Today, I cried out to my Father, “You are just! And Your judgements are fair O God!” God is indeed just and merciful for allowing me to go through the darkness and pain. I could not see it when I was in it, but when I came out of it, I saw that it was by the mercies and love of God that He took me through the valley of darkness. I praise You God, for You are merciful; all Your ways are true!

Now, I can begin again, in full assurance of God’s love because He patiently took me through this place from which I have come. I am eternally grateful. I would have given much to know what I know today. Dear fellow sojourners, if you see me, you will see a thirsty soul, thirsty for the love of God. You will see an insatiable soul, because I will never say enough! Oh God! Your love is better than life and I want EVERY drop!

    

Dreams and the Future · Faith · Fiction · Inspiration · Life Hacks · Spiritual

Purpose

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Thank You Heavenly Father for showing me what was in my heart and teaching me the right way to go.

I have often thought purpose as a list of specific tasks that I have to check off.

If, I thought to myself, ‘”This” is what I’m supposed to to do,” then I would just go ahead and do it with the satisfaction that I have accomplished a task. But Love does not work that way.

Love does not have a set schedule or a job description. Love does not have a one-size-fits-all answer for every problem. Love does not premeditate its responses the same way a doctor prescribes medication for a specific illness.

Love gets right into the mess, and patiently holds the hands of its neighbor, knowing that each person is unique and each mess is without a measure.

Love does what needs to be done. Love listens. Love does not need a uniform because its role is diverse. Love is humble. Love hopes. Love is patient; love waits.

Father, I’m sorry for trying to live the easy way. I wouldn’t believe that You loved me if You didn’t come right into my mess – our mess. Lord Jesus, every time I think of what You did, I KNOW that You did it for ME. I wasn’t merely a face in the crowd. I know that because You came right into my mess, with all its difficult and unique parts.

“Where can I escape from Your love? Even if I lay my bed in hell, You are there!” (Psalm 139: 7,8)

Thank You LORD!

Love is Purpose. 

 

Inspiration · Life Hacks · Spiritual

The New Me

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I like the new me. I like who I am without the whistles and bells. I’m falling in love with myself and it’s amazing! A-M-A-ZING! 😀 Right now it doesn’t matter who else does or would or if anyone else would. That’s the beauty of the whole thing! The me I’m becoming isn’t at all consumed by anyone else’s thoughts, beliefs or feelings. My life is PRETTY simple. I’m not claiming to be anything or anyone but ME- I don’t have any new year’s resolution either. I’m good. I AM content. IT IS AMAZING. 😄 

THANK YOU LORD!

  

Faith · Inspiration · Spiritual

The Time Thing

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Things DO get clearer with time. We do need time in order to discover certain things – like purpose. I’m learning new things about myself because time and what events it allows have given me the opportunity. This is why patience and understanding are important.

Life has forced me to see things differently. I, like Jesus, am learning patience through the things I suffer. Like Joseph – so I can have the wisdom he had to make the right decisions for an empire. Like Moses who would learn restraint after forty years. Like Hannah who would understand the most important things. Like Abraham, so he understood the sovereignty of God – that God and His promises were bigger than he was. 

Again, like Joseph. Joseph had dreams. God Himself gave him the dreams. His first introduction to slavery must have stunned him and left him stunned for years until he understood the sovereignty of God – that the God who gave him the dreams was able to bring them to pass ALL BY HIMSELF. What Joseph, Moses, Abraham, Jesus, had to do was be FAITHFUL. God was God all by Himself.

Thank You LORD.