For the most part of my life, I have been defined by my dreams and ambitions. GREAT ones at that. The more impossible, the better. Every year was lived for the year or years ahead. The past was a great resource and the future was my passion. But the present? Hmph. Dread.
Actually stopping and living in today? Actually not trying to make tomorrow fit into my lofty ideas? That’s scary. How does a person do that?
One day, I realized that I was in Tomorrow. Tomorrow was today. Big revelation. What have I accomplished with my life?
Today, I penned down my most significant experiences. I didn’t go into much detail, but I penned them down nonetheless. They didn’t consist in any of my supposed successes. They had more to do with the people I had blessed in some way and those who had blessed me. With a smile. With words. With their lives. Specific points in my life that have affected me. They were about people. They were about the love and patience of God.
I’m restless as I usually am and the source of my restlessness is fear. Fear that I would be wasting God’s precious gifts-especially the gift of time. I imagine that greatness is about businesses and legacies and some great deed that makes the world pay attention and applaud. I realize that I am wrong. To be greatest in the kingdom is to be least said Jesus.
But what if I miss these opportunities? What if my life doesn’t make a dent? What if I live out my life like every normal person? Fears. Perfect love casts out all fear the Bible says. I could never be normal if I choose love. Loving isn’t normal. Loving is hard some times. Often. A lot?
God, I really want to understand this. Please Lord, help me be transformed by the truth. Thank You LORD.